have you ever held your breath
by not.so.tragically
Summary: \\she's loved and lost and loved and lost —


_(...and asked yourself does it get better than tonight?_ _)_

* * *

"Has anyone seen Regina?" Everyone in the diner looks to one another before muttering a chorus of 'no'. Emma takes a seat next Hook, who's at the table with her parents and Henry. "I haven't seen her for weeks, I'm really worried about her."

"Don't worry, she'll come around soon, she just needs time." Snow reaches across the table to take one of Emma's hands in hers.

Nodding, David agrees. "Yeah, just give her some space to figure things out."

"It's been two weeks since Robin died, and she hasn't talked to anyone since his funeral. Her house is sealed with blood magic and the only person who's been allowed in is Zelena." Emma exhales, deeply concerned about Regina's well-being. "Considering the fact that she's not technically family with any of us here, I'm thinking that's what she wants. And Zelena doesn't exactly like us too much."

The aforementioned woman then steps in the diner, sans her child, clad in all black. Turning towards the counter she begins ordering, not seeing the five people staring from the booth adjacent to her.

"Maybe you should talk to her, ask her what's going on." Henry suggests, gesturing towards Zelena.

Ever since the funeral, both sisters had gone completely silent. Regina sealed her home and her office with blood magic, only permitting Zelena's entry. Even Henry had not seen or spoken to his mom since Robin's death. There was no sign of her anywhere, except for a rose placed every morning on Robin's grave. Zelena rarely left Regina's house, but was seen buying food or formula early in the mornings.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me." Emma said, looking over her shoulder at the red headed woman. "Maybe you should go, kid. She probably hates you the least." Looking between Emma and Zelena, Henry raises his eyebrows incredulously. "I didn't say she liked you, I said she hates you the least.

Standing to his feet, Henry prepares himself for whatever Zelena has to throw at him. But, of course, nothing could compare to the stony silence he had been receiving from Regina. Even in her lowest moments, her door was always open to Henry, but now that he's been completely shut out, he's been feeling oddly lost.

Coming to Zelena by the counter, he calls out to her. "Zelena?" She turns around to face him, and instead of the annoyed expression he was expecting, he saw that her eyes looked tired instead. It was almost as if someone had sucked the life out of her face. "Uhm, how are you?"

"Fine." She answers coldly, she's speaking to him, but she's watching his family sitting behind him.

Scratching the back of his neck, Henry continues. "How's-how's my mom?"

"She's fine." Her food comes in a white plastic bag, given by Granny. As soon as she has her hands on the bag, she looks back at the table, then disappears in a puff of forest green smoke.

Returning to his seat at the table, Henry sighs, defeated. "Nothing."

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Emma asks the table, but nobody can supply a hopeful answer anymore.

That had been the second death of Regina's love, something she had tiptoed around for a while. She was cautious in letting herself fall for him, but she did, she loved hard and fiercely. It was passion and care and unlike anything anyone had ever seen in a while. Though her heart was still dimmed in some areas, the parts that were clean shone brightly, and allowed her something close to happiness.

—

"I just put her down." Regina smiles as she watches Robin sleep from the doorway. Turning to her sister, Regina inhales deeply in relief.

Zelena grins and shuts the door as the sisters walk away. "I brought some food, it's on the counter." She says, following her sister into the living room.

Shaking her head, Regina takes a seat on the couch, folding a leg under her body. "I'm not hungry." She pushes her disheveled hair out of her face, pulling it into a loose ponytail. "I'm just tired."

"Regina, you haven't eaten in almost, what, two days?" Zelena states, taking a seat next to her. "I'm worried about you." When Regina chuckles, Zelena's face shifts into confusion. "What is it?"

"Two months ago, hell, two weeks ago, if someone told me that you'd say that to me, I think I'd pee myself laughing." Regina gestures to the space between them. "But, now we're sitting together, taking care of a child, not trying to kill the other. What a plot twist, huh?"

Zelena nods, pulling the blanket draped over the edge of the couch, across her lower half. "I know, right? Now, I'm telling you that you need to take care of yourself, things just keep getting weirder and weirder." Exhaling slowly, Regina's eyes take a distant look. "You have to take care of yourself, Regina."

When she's met with silence, Zelena keeps trying.

"Henry he needs you, Regina—"

"He's not even my son, he's Emma's son." Regina relays, her voice hinging on Emma's name. "He doesn't need me."

"Robin needs you. She's going to need you to tell her about her father, about the kind of man he was, about the love he gave you." Grabbing Regina's hand, Zelena looks into her eyes. "I didn't even know him, Regina. But, you did, you loved him and she needs to understand why. She needs to understand that there's something so unconditional and beautiful out there that it can turn a villain into a good person."

Regina squeezes her hand. "I just—I don't even feel like me anymore. It's like, I lost myself. How are you okay?" Sniffling, Regina feels herself choking up. "You loved Hades, and you had to kill him. How are you alright?"

"Because," Zelena starts, taking Regina's other hand in hers. "I have my sister now, I have a baby. I have two people who love me, who care about me. I'm okay because, I know that it wasn't my fault that love wasn't enough for Hades. It was centuries of pain that made him that way. And I know that he loved me, but there's always something he loved more: power."

"But, now I have you and Robin, and I'd like to think that I'm happy." Pulling Zelena into a hug, Regina embraces her out of a new love that she's found for her. "You need to talk to them, Regina. Find some peace or something, I, believe it or not, want you to be happy."

Never did Regina think she'd be sitting on her couch agreeing with her sister about what she should do. But, she knows Zelena's right, and she knows that she shouldn't have immediately shut everyone out. Pulling, Zelena stares at her expectantly for before Regina looks away. "They're at Granny's?"

Zelena nods and smiles at her, then leans back on the couch. "I'm going to try to get some rest before Robin wakes up again."

Regina walks out the door, just as the crying begins in the nursery.

—

As she approaches Granny's, Regina she has no idea what she wants to say or what she's looking for from them. She almost decides to turn around and go home. But, she remembers Zelena and even though she didn't promise her anything, she refuses to let her down.

The bell dings overhead when she steps inside, and everyone in the diner shuts up at her entrance. The whole Charming family still sat in the same booth when Regina walked in. Emma's the first to get up, and Snow follows in suit, standing behind her daughter. Henry's surprise takes over his entire face, _she did not look okay._

"Regina!" Emma gives her a once over, taking in her weary appearance. Her eyes seemed slightly concave, and the dark circles underneath didn't help much; though, she didn't wear a scowl, she just seemed worn out. Her clothing was rumpled and unkempt, she looked nothing like the Evil Queen. "Uhm, hey, well, how have you been?"

"Fine." Her answer's quick and she refuses to look at Emma. "I've heard that you've been looking for me, that you've wanted to talk to me. I'm here, so talk."

Emma knows it's the best she'll get and she'll take whatever she's being offered from Regina. "I just wanted to see how you've been doing since Robin died, it's been a while since we've seen you or talked to you and you locked your doors—"

"He didn't die." Regina interjects, though she's so quiet that Emma keeps talking. "He didn't die!" She yells this time, and Emma quiets immediately.

"Okay," Emma whispers, proceeding hesitantly. "Would you like to sit?"

Taking a seat next Henry, an awkward silence overtakes the table as Snow and Emma retake their own seats. Finally, Regina huffs. "I don't know why I came here, but Zelena said that this might be good for me, or something to that extent."

"She's right!" Snow starts, a little bit too enthusiastically. "I mean, you should know that we are all here for you, Regina. And we're really sorry about your loss."

"Yeah, Regina." David continues, backing his wife. "We understand that it must have been really hard for you to lose Robin like that. We can't imagine what you're going through."

Their eyes are pleading and pitying, and as pathetic as it looks, Regina's ready to open up her doors. Until, Emma speaks up that is.

"Well, I can understand what you're going through Regina. When Hook was—" Immediately pushing herself up from her chair, Regina tries to exit wordlessly, not wanting to get into a verbal confrontation with Swan. "Wha—? Regina! Where are you going?" The entire table rises up to follow her to the door.

Spinning on her heel, Regina can no longer keep the pot from boiling over. "I'm going back home, Swan! Where I'd honestly prefer to be! I don't want to be here with you telling me that you understand me and how I feel, because you don't!"

"But, I do, Regina. I get it better than anybody else here! How do you think I felt when Hook died?" Emma continues, trying to relate to Regina. "I don't even know how to describe what I was feeling when I had to leave him in the Underworld." Regina scoffs, trying to extract herself from the situation. Her hand comes up to wave herself out, but Emma stops her. "Regina, you have to understand that you're not going through this alone—"

"I know that I'm not! I have my sister, the only person who actually knows what I'm going through!" Regina raises her voice, her anger flaring up inside her soul. "So, I'm really sorry that you lost the love of your life for all of 3 days, Swan, I'm sure it must have been painful! But, Robin did not die! There is no death for me to rescue him from. Do you know what an Olympian Crystal does? It doesn't just kill someone, it _ends them_. So there's no 'Underworld search party' that I can dredge up to get him back. He's gone, forever. He deserved so much better than what he got; he doesn't even get a better place to go to."

Emma steps towards her, opening her mouth to try and soothe her. But she barely gets out a syllable when Regina holds up a palm, then closes it in a fist. "Don't talk!" This effectively shuts Emma up, however, not by choice. "I lost the love of my life, because I wanted to help you. Because I knew what it felt like to have to kill somebody that you love. But, every time— _every damn time_ —I get involved with you Swan, I end up thrown in the fire! You will never understand this, or me. You think because you were the Dark One for a month, suddenly you and I are on the same page? Like suddenly we're 'besties' because you battled with being somewhat evil? No, somehow even when you're the bad guy, you're still the good guy. And _you_ will always, get your happy ending. So, leave me alone. Don't try and make me feel better, because you can't. And you will never be able to fix this." Opening her fist, allowing Emma her voice back, she shakes her head.

Zelena puffs in, just as Regina lets her tears fall freely. Taking her sister in her arms, Zelena stiffens at the sight of the people standing in front of her. Not bothering to say a word, she leaves in the same cloud of green smoke she entered in, taking Regina with her.

 **—**

The encounter at Granny's threw pieces of Regina in all different directions. She reopened her office and began running her town once more. She made decisions to hold the town together again, in the aftermath of everything that happened and her absence. But, that was all she did. Nobody saw her around, and her home was still locked with blood magic. Yet, there was an insistent visitor, who Zelena kept putting off everyday, until she could no longer do it anymore.

"Regina?" Looking up from her book, Regina looks up to her sister, who had just finished putting Robin down for the second time. "There's someone who wants to see you. He's been coming around for the last few days, and I told him to stop, but he's relentless. I think you should go talk to him yourself maybe."

Marking her page, Regina gets up, expecting to see Henry standing outside her house. When she steps outside, she realizes her mistake.

"Hook?" Shutting the door behind her, she walks slowly over to him. "Why are you here?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Hook sighed. "I thought we could talk." Seeing her questioning look, Hook keeps trying. "I'm not Swan, if that's what you're thinking and this is not a trap, love. I just wanted to talk to you."

Hesitating momentarily, Regina gestures to the fence. "Okay."

As they begin walking down the street, Hook doesn't even attempt to make small talk. "I believe I owe you a 'thank you'."

"For what?"

"Saving my life."

Regina's confusion comes off in waves. "When did I save your life?"

"Right before I almost sent you all to the Underworld and, you asked if that was the man I wanted to be. I realized, that's not the man I wanted to be." Hook confesses when they turn a corner.

"We ended up in the Underworld, anyways." She muses. "It wouldn't have really mattered in the first place."

"Aye, but you would've been dead when you went." He says, thinking he's found the upper hand.

She quiet for a few minutes, but it feels more like hours before she finally responds, her voice chilling the air.

"I'm dead now." Regina turns to look at him, her brown eyes losing their glint. "At least, I would've died with Robin." Hook sighs, not sure how to respond. "Gold was right. I should've just taken it. I mean, he did. He hit bumps along the way, but in the end, he has power and Belle, and a child. Everything he wants. And because I tried to be the good guy, tried to do things like a hero would, I lost the love of my life, forever."

Realizing that they had reached the docks, Hook looks out to the water. "I'm sorry, Regina."

"Regina? No Evil Queen? Your Majesty? Your Evilness?" He winced when she said the last one, not knowing she knew he had said that about her. "Yeah, I heard that one. And _everybody_ is sorry, all these 'sorrys' don't make any difference. Sorry doesn't bring Robin back."

"Aye, but I am sorry that he was...ended. I'm sorry that you lost your love, it's not fair to you."

"Huh." Regina says, letting the cool air blow over her pale face.

"What?"

"I'm not mad at you." She chuckles, running a hand through the tangles in her hair as he absentmindedly helps her board the Jolly Roger. "When I found out that you were back, I thought I'd want to rip your heart out and just squeeze until it was dust. But, I don't. I'm not mad at you for being back. In fact, I expected it." Taking a seat on a box, Regina sighs. "I just don't want to be here anymore."

"Storybrooke?" Hook asks as he sits on the box opposite to hers.

Regina coughs before answering. "Living."

A dark silence overtakes the space between in light of her confession. She refuses to meet his eye and it's the first time Hook's ever seen her like this. Defeat was displayed on every inch of her body and she didn't even look like Regina in that moment.

"She's always here." Regina raises a questioning eyebrow, so Hook clarifies. "The Jolly Roger, she's always here, and I am as well. If you want to talk."

"So you can report back to Swan? No thanks."

"This isn't for Emma. It's for you. I can listen if you want to talk." He nods at her, setting his elbow on his knee. "If you want." He repeats.

"Oh, alright."

—

Regina comes by every morning for a month and a half after that day. Somehow her conversations with Hook draw her back into reality, back into her life. Some days she talks and he listens, and some days she listens while he talks. They share their experiences as villains and the downfalls of their loves. And they relinquish their tales of seeking revenge, like old buddies trading war stories. It reopens old wounds, some that have never even healed, some that never healed properly. But, it's never painful, more wistful.

"I tried to save him." She reveals one day. The cold sea air kept them shivering, so they went below the deck, into a room. She takes a seat on a makeshift bed beside the window. With her knees pulled up to her chest, she appears so vulnerable that it's nearly startling. "I tried to keep him here, with my magic; it wasn't enough though. He materialized, his soul or spirit or whatever it is, materialized for a few moments, but that's all it did. Then he was gone, and I was alone. Again."

Chuckling mirthlessly, she focuses her gaze on the items in the room. "Tell me I'm stupid now. Tell me it was idiotic to try and save him from the most powerful piece of magic ever."

"You're not stupid, love." He says from his spot in a chair, by the only table in the small room. "You didn't want to see another happy ending taken from you. I'd hardly call that idiotic."

"Why are you here?"

Hook's face takes on a perplexed look. "What do you mean?"

"You're here with me everyday, instead of with Swan, in your pretty little house by the water. Why is that?"

He doesn't hesitate to answer honestly. "I don't know. Nothing feels like home. Nothing feels like it should. But, when I'm here on this boat, with you. It feels alright. I feel alright, like I'm supposed to be here, and not in Hell."

"Oh." She whispers.

"I don't think she's my true love." Hook divulges, causing Regina to snap her head up. "I thought for a moment, that's why splitting her heart didn't work. But, Zeus, he told me before he sent me back, he told me to find my true love. I thought he was talking about Emma."

An air of heaviness fills the room, and Regina unravels herself, stretching her limbs. "I think, I think, villains can only end up with villains. Heroes aren't supposed to be in love with people who don't have happy endings. Heroes can only be with heroes. That's why Snow and Charming have always worked out, they're heroes, they _have_ to be together."

"Then we've wasted a lot of time chasing something we'll never catch." This causes Regina to burst out laughing, the sound filling all corners of the room. "What is it?"

Trying gather herself again, she speaks through her laughter. "I've spent my whole life being evil, and I've never had a problem with it, but the second I try to good, people start dying!"

"And you, you try to do the noble hero thing, and you end up in Hell, tortured by Hades!" Hook beings laughing along with her, at the irony of the situations. "We're villains, we're terrible at being good!" Throwing her head back, she continues laughing, mixing with Hook's laughter.

"You followed the Savior to the Underworld, and you lost the love of your life as a result!" Hook bangs a fist on the table as Regina laughs harder.

"He's gone! Forever!" Their laughter is loud and boisterous, until Regina's clutching her sides and tears are welling up in Hook's eyes.

It doesn't subside until minutes later, when few giggles drop from her mouth and he's wiping at his face. "This kind of thing only happens to villains. There's no in between. I thought I was straddling the line, but I never was. I was either evil, or evil while trying not to be. Maybe I just need to be who I am and stop pretending that I can be good."

"No."

—

"I used to think that we would end up together." Hook says one afternoon, as they eat lunch in her office.

She had missed their morning together to deal with a town issue; so she popped on the Jolly Roger to tell him that, if he wanted, they could have lunch together instead. When he agreed, she was actually nervous. They had never been together outside of his ship since they started meeting each other. Obviously, it was only her office and it wasn't a place where anyone they knew came on a regular basis. But, still, it was nothing like what they were used to. So, they ate in silence for about 20 minutes, both slightly uncomfortable. When Hook decides to speak, of course it's not light and breezy.

"What?" Regina says, choking on her lemonade.

"You heard me." He eats a french fry as she sits back against the handle of the couch, an incredulous look on her face. "At the time, it seemed possible. You were the Evil Queen, I was Captain Hook. It was possible."

"What? How? You were like an entire century older than me!" Regina exclaims, gesturing to his attire.

"If memory serves me right, you came on to me, Your Majesty." Hook points out, looking at her accusingly. "That's how the story went."

A blush threatens to appear on her cheeks, so she turns her head to the fireplace, until she's sure it's gone. "Well, I was trying to get a job done, so that wasn't real."

"Are you saying that because it didn't work, love?" Hook teases as she scoffs at him. "I was a pirate, don't feel offended if your techniques didn't work on me."

Rolling her eyes, Regina leans back against the handle. She had gotten into the habit of folding into herself when Hook was around, so her heels lay on the floor with her right foot tucked under her body. "I wasn't even trying."

"Ah, sure."

"Whatever, it didn't matter anyways. We both ended up with heroes." She chuckles, shaking her head.

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

Setting his food aside on the coffee table, he turns to face her questioning eyes. "Emma Swan and I have decided to end our relationship."

"What? Really?" Her shock is plastered on every inch of her body.

"Aye." This is the only thing Hook offers as an answer. His eyes aren't sad, but they aren't happy either. He's more trying to gauge her reaction to what he just said, and she imagines that it can't be that hard.

Regina doesn't ask why they broke up, and she doesn't try to guess either. The moment passes through until she changes the subject, letting the elephant in the room grow larger and larger with each word they feed to each other.

—

"She's getting so big." Regina chuckles as Robin starts creeping on her blanket. She's dressed for work, but she's not quite ready to get up and leave her sister and Robin again. Leaving at any point is hard for her, even though she comes back later in the day. Robin's just begun teething, and then creeping, and she hates to say goodbye to her and Zelena. Reuniting with Zelena and taking of Robin has brought her an easy joy that she thought she might have lost forever. But, her sister's laughter and Robin's innocence has made in her happy in a different way.

"I know, but she won't grow that much between now and lunch, Gi." Zelena promises, nearly dragging Regina to her feet. "Come on now, you better hurry up or won't have much time with the pirate, will you?" Chuckling as she walks around the couch, Zelena picks up Robin.

Freezing in her tracks, Regina curses under her breath. "How did you know?" She doesn't even try to play it off, Zelena's already hit the nail straight on the head.

"Come on, Regina, it wasn't that hard to see." Reaching a hand up, Regina fiddles with the green crystal that sits around her neck. It contains a portion of Zelena's magic and Zelena wears a similar necklace, which contains a portion of Regina's magic. It was both a gift and safety precaution, in case one was in trouble or if they would ever need it. "Do you love him?"

She can't say it's not something she hasn't thought about every morning as she seeks him out. "I can't—I'm not. Robin just died, and he just broke up with Emma. I don't love him." Regina's making a case, but it sounds more like the mantra she repeats to herself when he's making her laugh, or when he smiles, or when she walks on the boat and she sees him waiting on her to come.

"Alright, alright." Zelena holds up a palm, gesturing to the door. As they continue walking over, she makes a point. "There's no law that says that you can't fall in love again. I did." Looking down at her child, she grins.

Regina sighs, shifting her weight. "Robin was my again. I don't think I can do it another time. It's too much for me now; I'm worried enough about the people I already love. I can't add another person to that list."

"Are you saying that he's not on that list now?" Zelena asks, raising an eyebrow. When Regina's gaze shift downward, she knows that she has an answer. "It's not a bad thing, you know. You're not required to stay alone for the rest of your life, nobody's going to crucify you for this."

"I know, but—I never really told Robin that I loved him." The catch in Regina's voice shows her that this is something Regina's been carrying around with her from the moment she lost him. That was her baggage, and she couldn't let it go.

"I've learned a lot of things these last few months Regina. But, the most important thing I've learned is that you can have the forgiveness of your family or an entire town, yet if you can't forgive yourself, then none of it will ever matter." She switches Robin to her other arm, as Regina looks back up at her sister. "If you don't love him, that's okay. And, if you do, that's okay too."

Walking off to presumably to put down Robin, Regina's left alone in the foyer to think about what she just said.

—

"Hey. Mind if I join you?"

"No, of course not."

Sitting at the booth, Regina tries not to fold her hands in the business like fashion that she's used to. "I wanted to apologize. I know that you were only worried about me, and I shut you out, and I shouldn't have done that."

He takes a bite of his doughnut, swallowing deeply before answering. "You don't have to apologize. I understand that losing Robin was really hard for you, and I know that it still is. So don't apologize, it's okay. But, you're right, I was really worried about you."

"I beat myself for a really long time after I had to let go of Daniel, and then Robin...It just brought a bunch of feelings that I thought that I had buried, but I guess not."

"You don't have to explain—"

"I do, because I _want_ you to understand what this was like for me." Taking a breath, she begins. "When I had to kill Daniel, it messed me up, in ways that I didn't even realize at first. And after that, I was content believing that I would never love again for as long as I lived, and I knew I was safer that way. But, then Robin came along and I fell in love with him. Even when Marian came back, then he had to stay with her, and they had to leave, and then she turned out to be my sister, even through that mess, I still loved him. I thought that we could become a family, you know?"

Shrugging her shoulders and sniffling slightly, she continues. "I thought that maybe he was my happy ending. He loved me even when I basically handed off his child to God of the Underworld. How could someone find it in themselves to love you like that? I had no clue, and as soon as I had him back, he was gone. Forever. I didn't think I'd be able to be me again, to be happy again. I shut you out because...because you did not deserve to see what I almost became again. The thought of disappointing you made me feel horrible, and I was falling again, I was at a low point."

"So, I didn't want you to see me like that. I didn't want to be the villain to you. I'm really, really, sorry for doing that to you. And you need to know that I didn't mean to hurt you, and I love you. I love you a lot, and I cannot afford to lose you."

Stretching a hand across the table, he stops her fidgeting fingers. "I know, and I very sorry that you lost Robin and Daniel the way you did. And I love you, Mom. No matter what, I will always love you."

Regina squeezes Henry's hand, tears gathering in her eyes. "I love you too." Wiping at her face quickly, she smiles. "So tell me about this 'Violet' girl."

"You-you-you know about her?" He stutters out, scratching the back of his head.

"I'm your mother, Henry. Of course I know. Don't try and distract me, I want to know about her."

Biting his lip for a few seconds, Henry gives in. "Okay, so she's got these eyes, right?"

—

Regina spends the next few weeks reconnecting with her son, and rebuilding the relationship that she thought she had destroyed. In many ways he repairs other pieces of her tattered heart and heals some wounds that had reopened after she lost another person that she loved. Henry was someone whom she loved a lot. Yet, as hard as she tried, she knew there was something brewing somewhere else and she couldn't refuse to acknowledge it anymore.

"Davy Jones!" Hook covers his chest with hand, backtracking slightly. "You scared me." Regina had come to the docks, unintentionally sneaking up on him. "Are you alright?"

She doesn't answer him, instead taking his hand, and bringing them to the room below the deck. Taking a seat at the table, Hook raises a questioning eyebrow, silently asking her again. "No, I'm not alright! I should be mourning the loss of the love of my life, instead I can't! I'm thinking of you. It's only been 7 months, and I'm already thinking of you."

He springs up out of his seat. "What about you? I should broken over the end of my relationship with Swan, but I'm not, I can't be! She went to Hell for me, and I'm thinking of being on this ship, with you, all the time."

"This is _not_ my fault! You're always here with your smile and stupid 200 year-old pirate charm!" She's huffing now, trying to maintain some composure.

"You're hardly innocent in this! You have this terribly beautiful laugh and that voice—It's more enticing than a damn mermaid's song!" He's crowding her space now, and it alarms her that she's not uncomfortable.

"Well," She says, her breath tickling his face. "You can imagine how bad it is for me, then."

"Aye, love." She's not entirely sure if she's talking or if he's talking, and in the moment, she couldn't focus on anything but him. It would've been easy for her to back up, to step away, with a wave of her hand she could have been gone. Instead, Regina holds the spot, waiting for him to make the first move.

"Killian?"

"Regina."

"I don't think I love you." It slips out of her mouth before she can stop it. "I mean, I don't know if I feel that way...yet."

"I'm not entirely sure that I love you either." He replies, his expression unchanging. "Would it be okay if I...?"

She doesn't trust her voice, so she nods slowly. Sliding a hesitant hand onto her waist, he pauses momentarily, so she steps even closer to him. Cupping his face carefully, she brushes her thumbs over his beard before threading her fingers in the hair at the back of his neck. Inhaling slightly, she presses her lips against, letting herself settle in his embrace. His hook rests on the small of her back, and he draws her closer still, sealing their bodies together. The kiss is slow and languid, and she lazily lets her tongue swipe against his lips. He opens his mouth as a response, slipping his own tongue in her mouth. And when she draws back minutely, he pulls her in closer, refusing to let her slip away.

It's almost as if she's forgotten how to breathe because she feels herself getting lightheaded after a while. They've lost all sense of time and their is no urgency between them, they've chosen to believe that all worlds, all realms, have stopped to allow them their own moment.

—

It was their time of free-falling once more, both made of glass and very frangible. Like at all times, a soft landing was not guaranteed, and it was a huge risk on both ends. She has loved and lost, and then loved and lost again. He's been to Hell and back, but he's still scared about this. They're both broken, damaged in unimaginable ways, with wounds that are still healing. Pains of their villainous pasts still haunt them in the nights, and old habits flare up in them often. But when she talks to him, she remembers that there will always be redemption. And when he hears her laugh in the mornings, he's reminded that there are things still beautiful and unstained.

* * *

 **Whoops, shouldn't have written this. Oh well.**

 **I actually love the idea of Hooked Queen, and this was kinda new to write for me, actually. But, I couldn't leave this idea like the 67 others on my doc.**

 **Also, don't tell me that 'Gina pushing away Henry is unrealistic, bc omg, yes it is. I think that she could've been in such a dark place that she wouldn't want her son to see her falling away again.**

 **And I don't think I can write a proper break-up scene for Hook & Emma, one day I might revise this, and maybe give it a shot. But, for now, we'll have to go without one.**

 **I really like this story, and, (taking note from my mom _Tiramisuspice_ (welcome back bby, I missed you), I really wrote this for myself, to test my abilities writing and I like how this turned out.**

 **And oops, I didn't really revise, 1. bc I'm too lazy to reread 6k words after writing them, about 7 different ways, 2. bc I need a Beta, but ofc, have not gotten one, but I will soon.**

 **Okieeee, I'm rambling now.**

 **I love you sooo much!**

 **XOXO, Minnie.**


End file.
